I feel as though I am losing the battle against technology. Alex is 14 now and seems to want to spend more and more time by herself in her room on her iPad, computer or phone (yes, she has all these devices, yes I bought them for her, yes I’ve brought this on myself…).  I have put in boundaries where she is allowed to use them and when she is not, but I’m finding that the older she is getting, the less we have in common or the less she wants to spend time with me… I’m trying to respect the fact that she is getting more and more independent from me, the question is… Is this normal for a teenager?

It certainly has its advantages for me, which is maybe why I allow it.  I mean, as a single Mum, I am finally able to get some time to myself.  I can do the dishes, cook the dinner, do the washing, clean the house, watch Netflix, read a book, finish a cup of tea (yes, finish) all without getting interrupted (Bliss!!).  But at what cost?

I know that I should be interacting with her more.  But I don’t want her to resent it, I want her to WANT to interact with me.  I want the relationship to be like Lorelai and Rory’s off the Gilmore Girls.  Is that asking too much?  On the odd occasion when she does want to interact with me, it’s usually when I am in the middle of doing something.  Sooooo inconvenient.  I have to stop what I’m doing though and give her my 100% attention.  I have to embrace each second that she gives me, coz one day, she’ll be all grown up and those moments will be different.

The other night I popped my head in her room to say goodnight before I had to do the million things I had to do before I went to bed, and she beckoned me over to her bed and grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to her.  She wanted to cuddle.  Now, I know this is what I want, but all I could think about were the pile of dishes, the uniforms that needed to be ironed, the table that needed to be cleared and the sleep that I really really needed before I had to get up in the morning and do it all again.  I battled with my control freak instincts for a couple of minutes until I asked myself, ‘What do I value more?’ And really, who cares about the dishes, they will still be there when I get to them, everything will.  Going to bed half an hour later than usual will be okay.  In fact, it will more than okay because I get to spend time with my daughter and she WANTS me to.  That in itself filled my heart with joy.

So, I still don’t have the answers to the whole technology thing.  I hate it, but I do have to accept it. What I DO know, is that I want to embrace EVERY moment with Alex, even the negative ones because those moments are irreplaceable.  They won’t happen like that again.  She will be going her own way in a few years and our lives will be different.  For now, I choose her, I choose Alex and really, when I put it like that, why would I ever choose to do the dishes over spending time with her? 🙂