A few weeks ago, Alex and I went to the movies to watch The Greatest Showman.  What can I say except, wow!!!! Wow!!! Now, we are musical lovers and I know that musicals aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but what I liked about this one was the message in it.  (I also have a soft spot for messages, anything that inspires and motivates me is a good thing in my book!)

One song gave me goose bumps.  I wanted to stand up and sing it in the movie theatre but I’m pretty sure Alex would have disowned me in embarrassment, so I refrained.  Now when it comes on on the radio, I sing my little heart out and there’s nothing she can do to stop me!! Anyway, back to the point…

The song is ‘This is me’ and these are the lyrics:

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in
We are…

Now, I don’t know about you, but this song spoke to me.  I think there are many people out there including myself who in some way or another are ashamed about something, are afraid to be their true selves, are hiding from something, someone, maybe themselves. I spent many adult years feeling not good enough, always comparing myself to other people and feeling that I didn’t quite make the mark.  I felt that there was a part of me that I was hiding from the world.  Something that would cause me to NOT fit in and be part of the ‘norm’.  I spent so much of my time and energy trying to fit in and squashed a very important part of who I am.

Was it worth hiding away? Was my life any better for hiding away?  Absolutely not!  The best way I can describe it, is that I felt like I was living on auto pilot.  Doing everything ‘right’, saying the ‘right’ thing, doing the ‘right thing’, trying to live up to societies expectations (who made those rules anyway?) and be the perfect parent. It was exhausting and I was losing the fire in my belly.  So I stopped.  I started letting little bits of the real me out. I started making mistakes, I started saying things before I mentally edited the hundred options that I thought I should say, I started following my heart and gut when it came to raising my daughter. I felt free.

Don’t get me wrong, I still squash myself sometimes, scared of standing out or saying or doing the wrong thing.  But I’m aware of it, and I am letting myself out more and more.  Watching The Greatest Showman and listening to “This Is Me’ was a fantastic reminder. I am grateful for these things in my life that show up just when I need them to. But they are useless unless I do something differently to change the way I think about myself and live my life.  That song was what inspired me to get off my butt and start this blog.  And I’m loving it!  I’m loving being creative and following through on a goal.  I’m loving sharing this with Alex and teaching her to be herself and love herself and go for things she wants.

I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

THIS IS ME!