Yesterday afternoon Alex had an appointment to go to that she was feeling nervous about. Now, before I continue, I want to be clear that this appointment was her idea and something that she wanted.  When it was time to leave for the appointment, her demeanour changed and she was all of a sudden sullen, rude, quiet, and she had this look on her face that I’m struggling to even put into words… sort of, pouty??

Now, Alex will be turning 14 this week, and this change in attitude has been something that she has displayed since she was born. If there was something that was out of her comfort zone, that was new to her or different, or something that she just didn’t want to do, her whole persona would change. At a young age I would be exposed to tantrums of all sizes, and I struggled.  Really struggled.    At first I thought it was her being disobedient in not getting her own way, but then as the pattern continued to repeat itself and I was able to see what it was that triggered this behaviour, it all became clear.  She was scared.  She was anxious and she didn’t know how else to express that. I had to change how I approached the situation. (the photos attached to this post is an example of how she would behave.  She really really wanted to see Santa, I absolutely never forced her, but she was scared!)

As she has gotten older, these experiences are a lot less, however yesterday’s occurrence made me realise just how differently we all react to things that make us feel anxious.  I in my motherly wisdom tried to talk to her about the appointment, try to ease how she felt about it (and when I say talk to her, that’s what I did, she did not talk back, she literally sat in the car with her arms folded with that pouty look on her face). I expressed to her that I felt that she was feeling nervous about the appointment given this behaviour and she didn’t deny it. This talking didn’t really help, but I guess as a Mum, I felt I had to do something.  Appointment came, she survived, and walked out a completely different person.  Smiley, happy and back to her normal self and needless to say, very happy that she went to appointment.

I asked her this morning what I could have done differently on the drive to the appointment, how I could have supported her through this time.  Her response was ‘Stop talking’… !!!!  So funny, because on the drive I could feel myself blabbering on, trying to be encouraging and supportive but I could also feel the eye rolls coming from the seat beside me.  I guess, for Alex and I in this situation, (it is probably different for everyone) what I think she needs and what she may need could be different and I have to be open to that.  I did the best I could and I think I handled the situation well, however isn’t that the journey?  To learn, to be open and to communicate in any relationship.  I will always support her and encourage her to face her fears. The prize I get afterwards is how proud she is of herself and how happy she is.