Have you ever had a goal?  Have you ever started accomplishing it, but then it got too hard, got scary and uncomfortable so you thought about a million different reasons why you shouldn’t do it, and then quit?  Yeah, I’m with you…welcome to my life…

I don’t think I’ve ever fully followed through on a goal… I’ve had many passions and things that I’m interested in, career choices etc over the years but haven’t committed to anything.  I work at it until I’m about 60% into it, then if it gets too hard or scary I justify things in my mind as to why I shouldn’t keep going and then stupidly listen to myself and I quit.  I QUIT!!!  And to be completely honest, I’m sick of it, I’m absolutely sick of myself for being such a coward.

When I think back, it all started in my first year of university.  I got accepted into a Bachelor of Theatre at James Cook University in Townsville.  I loved acting, I loved performing on stage and I had applied to a few universities in QLD and got accepted to this one.  It was my last choice. However I soon loved being on campus at the university and met some wonderful friends.  It was the typical first year of uni, drinking, parties, boyfriends, I was having the time of my life.  Probably a little too much.  Whilst all my friends that I had met in my accommodation were attending normal lectures and tutorials (which they could skip if they wanted to), I had to attend my theatre classes from 8 am to 5 pm 5 days a week.  Coupled with my partying and late nights, it’s safe to say, I wasn’t coping. I had to let something go and given that my social life was so much fun, and my theatre course so demanding, I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough to make it in the industry.  That is all it took to convince myself to transfer to another course where I could attend normal lectures and tutorials.  So, when shit got too hard, I ran. I quit.  That was the first time and it has been a pattern ever since.

I don’t believe in regrets.  I believe that the decisions we make shape us, they give us the experiences we need to learn lessons in order to better ourselves and challenge ourselves and hopefully learn from past mistakes.  It is evident that I don’t learn very quickly.  Giving up on myself when things get hard has been following me for the last 20 years.  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  Having this website and blogging has been a goal of mine for a couple of years now.  I have a vision of what I want it to look like, but in all honesty it probably won’t look anything like it.  But that doesn’t matter. It will morph into whatever it is supposed to.  The point is, I did it.  It’s a start and I’ve followed through.  I have an online blog.  I’m hoping to share my stories as well as my journey as a single Mum.  It’s time to stop hiding behind fear of failure. It’s time to live. Let’s begin!!!